


[ needle sick ]

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: 12 year old Jared, 30 year old Jensen, Angst, Drug Use, Extremely Underage, Feminization, First Kiss, Fucked up romance, Hebephilia, Lolita Jared, Lolita inspired, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, Mildly Dubious Consent, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Jensen, Protective Jensen Ackles, This is purely fictional, Underage - Freeform, Underage Kissing, drug scene, eventually, i do not condone any of this, junkie jensen, lyrics, schoolboy jared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-04-24 22:01:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14364594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A 12-year-old boy, a 30-year-old drug addict, a downward spiral kind of love.





	1. she doesn't know it yet.

 

Jensen had found him tucked away between an alleyway and the back exit of a small hair salon. The walls were painted a chipping pink, decorated with swirls of a once-clear-white that had now turned a pasty mustard on one side, and the other side was nothing more but a dull black brick wall, wet from the gentle drizzle that had overcome the town for a few minutes. 

 

The skies were a pale blue. It was either dawn or a few moments before darkness fell into ease with the night sky. Jensen was too delirious to know which of the two he was presently living in. 

 

He hadn’t meant to stumble into the alleyway if he was being honest. If he had anybody to be honest to, that is. 

 

 The street lights had been hurting his eyes too much and so he had found comfort in the dark and lonely area behind the nameless salon. He’d rested his shaking body against the darker wall and shut his eyes as he tried to control his erratic breathing. 

 

It wasn’t until he’d gasped for air and in the process had opened his eyes that he saw the child. 

 

Then and there, in his first drugged glimpse of the boy, Jensen knew he was lethally beautiful. Ethereal. Something to cry over, something to be thankful for. A speckle of gold in a place meant for nothingness. That kind of beautiful. 

 

“Mister?” he’d called out, and Jensen could do nothing else but smile when he realized he was being spoken to by the alleyway child. 

 

“Mister are you okay?” he’d tried again, coming closer and closer. 

 

Let it be known that the child was careful in his approaching. Each step he took closer to the strange older man had been calculated. Jensen watched as he stumbled a bit over schoolboy sneakers, and wondered if the boy had just begun to grow into his limbs. 

 

Growing pains. One of the most delicious kinds of pains, Jensen thought as a subtle hum of a growing flame ignited inside of him. 

 

“What’s your name?” Jensen had asked, his intoxicated body quivering. 

 

The boy looked up at the man, his fox-slanted eyes looked into emerald green orbs as he pondered whether to lie or not. In the end, he’d told the truth. 

 

Jensen still remembers the way his insides had flared when the child opened his lips and released the identity to him, “Jared.” 

 

He knew that voice. Not specifically, of course, this was the first time the two had met, but Jensen knew that tone of that voice. He knew the sound of sweet alluring boys who wouldn’t know how to lie even if they were caught in a life or death situation. He’d found himself a good-boy, and good boys were the sweetest of the pick. 

 

“Jared,” Jensen whimpered the name out through a heartache and an acidic taste originating from deep inside his intoxicated stomach. 

 

A pained prayer. Jared.

 

“I can call my auntie, she can help get you to a hospital,” Jared had suggested, his voice wonderfully innocent and scared. 

 

The voice of a boy who was willing to sacrifice himself for the well-being of others. The world would eat him alive if Jensen didn’t get to him first. 

 

Jensen shook his head, took a whiff of the stale air looming in the alley. There had a small lightbulb on the dirty pink wall, right above the back entrance of the hair salon. It illuminated Jared in a heavenly way, glooming and static. Jensen tilted back, his back still rested on the wall, but his eyes focused solely on Jared. 

 

If he had looked away, even a fraction of an inch away from the brown-haired child, the drugs would have killed him. Jensen knew it. Jensen knew Jared was the only thing that could keep him alive at that moment. And if he couldn’t... then at least he’d have died looking at an angel. 

 

“You can help me, sweetheart,” Jensen croaked, sweaty and pained. 

 

Jared did it, then. He’d come close to Jensen and placed his small hands upon him. Jensen had missed it, unfortunately, but at some point, Jared had stopped being scared of him. At some point, Jared had become devoted to helping out the dying man in the back of his Aunt’s salon.  

 

He searched for injuries and he searched for blood. In the end, Jensen seemed to be fine on the outside. All Jared ended up touching was the body of a man who wanted nothing but for Jared to sink his growing limbs down into the gravel by his feet and ask for Jensen to teach him how to do filthy things the child probably knew nothing about yet. 

 

Jensen felt his jeans tighten around his crotch at the thought.  

 

Jared didn’t burn as he touched Jensen, but Jensen swore his body had gone up in flames at Jared’s touch. Skin melted and was replaced with a cool sheet of sin. 

 

Jensen had grunted out in pleasure, “No, sweetheart. I’m not injured. I think I’ve been poisoned.”

 

Jared had become too worried to even ask why the man kept calling him sweetheart. He wanted to correct the man, tell him he was a boy, and that boys weren’t meant to be called sweetheart. He wanted to tell the quivering man he was a boy, not knowing that the fact he happened to be a boy was the only thing the man had on his mind. Boy, boy, boy. 

 

“So we should take you to a hospital!” Jared cried, his hazel-fire eyes widened with concern and fear as he tugged at Jensen’s black hoodie in a heart-melting attempt to bring him into the hair salon. 

 

Jensen stayed put. He hadn’t budged from the fragile creature’s tugging. Instead, he stayed put and touched Jared’s soft skin. Ran his other hand through soft tufts of chestnut hair that had curled at the ends due to the humid air. 

 

“Nobody in there would try to help me, doll. Hospitals are expensive,” Jensen manipulated, not telling the boy the only thing he’d been poisoned with was his own syringes. 

 

“Need you to come home with me. Take care of me until it all comes out of my system,” Jensen instructed Jared, his head lolling to the side as he tried to steadily look the boy in the eyes. 

 

Jared bit his bottom lip, nibbled on it softly the way Jensen had wanted to do since he’d laid eyes on the beauty. His eyes later focused on seashell-pink-colored lips as waves of scorching nausea rolled turbulently inside his organs. 

 

“Mister-”

 

“It’s Jensen.”

 

“Mister Jensen-”

 

“ _Just_ Jensen.”

 

Jared sighed, “ _Jensen_...”

 

Green eyes watched over their prey expectantly. 

 

“Where do you live?” Jared asked, his voice hesitant but unwavering. 

 

Jensen had grinned softly. He’d caught himself a meal. 

 

___________

 

The inside of Jensen’s apartment is a place no child should ever step into. Jared’s eyes widened at the sight of a house in absolute shambles. 

 

Dirty dishes piled up everywhere except the sink since the sink was overrun with dirty water and empty bottles of Vodka and Whiskey. The floors were a minefield of dirty clothes and used condoms, which Jared blushed at profusely when he remembered the brief talk he’d had to sit through during sex ed about the importance of them. 

 

The smell was no better than the sight of the apartment. It smelled of marijuana inside the household, among several other rotting things. CD of 70’s and 80’s rock bands spanned out across the floors of the home, all of which Jared had never heard of. There was a small radio plugged into the wall that softly hummed out nothing but white noise, a disc still spinning inside with nothing left to sing. 

 

Jared was trying to help Jensen toward his bedroom as best he could without stepping on the sporadic piles of trash. Pill bottles were scattered all around the room spanning from empty bottles of Tums to orange prescribed bottles. It made Jared question if somebody had actually poisoned Jensen or if he was just drugged and out of his mind. 

 

Gentle purring made Jared snap out of his thoughts. He turned his head to watch as Jensen draped himself over his body and began to hum a tune. 

 

“Jensen... I’m trying to get you to your room,” Jared said before he urged Jensen to stand upright. 

 

But Jensen had entered his own world. He wasn’t in his apartment anymore, he was somewhere otherworldly. There were stars in his eyes and flashes of strange lights all over the place. 

 

And then there was Jared. The brightest thing in the whole room. 

 

Jensen curled into Jared’s warmth, snaked his arm around Jared’s neck and let his nose press into the bare skin between his hair and his ear. He inhaled deeply, his cock pressing harshly against the metal of his zipper once more as he took in the scent of spring flowers- the kind of flowers that had been misted over with a warm rain and had still not bloomed out of their shy buds. 

 

As Jared nudged open the door to Jensen’s room with the toe of his dirty sneaker, Jensen began singing actual lyrics. 

 

“She loves me, she loves me, she loves me,” his wobbly voice sang. 

 

Jared ignored it. Ignored the way the delusional man looked at him as he sang a love song. 

 

It’s not directed at me, Jared thought to himself. Persuaded himself into thinking it wasn’t. 

 

Jared flicked on the lights that showered the small room in a yellowing light before proceeding into the room. 

 

“The lady loves me, and it shows,” middle-aged man veins popped out of Jensen’s arm as he tightened his grip on Jared. 

 

Jared’s body was exhausted from carrying Jensen through the streets all night. His apartment was halfway across town, which made Jared wonder how he’d even gotten all the way to his aunt’s beauty salon. He was ready to throw Jensen onto the mattress and leave him so he could run back home before he got yelled at. 

 

“I’m her ideal,” Jensen grunted, “her hearts desire,” he sang, tapping the tip of Jared’s nose playfully. 

 

After scoping the room, Jared realized Jensen’s bed was nothing more than a small twin sized mattress placed on top a sea of trash. The mattress’s quilting looked smooth and silky with a flowered design on it, but the more Jared stared at it, the more blotchy stains he counted. 

 

“Jensen... you gonna be okay on your own?” Jared asked, scared to him in such a dirty place. 

 

“D-don’t leave,” Jensen pleaded as he made his way out of Jared’s reach and stumbled on top of his mattress. 

 

He splayed his body out in an awkward position, an array of crooked limbs swimming in a river of dirty blankets. Jared watched as Jensen stretched out his body and watched the way one of his hands jittered across his freckles. Jensen then patted the bed beside him, as if to find something, and had scrunched up his nose when he found nothing but empty handfuls.

 

“Jay?” 

 

Jared looked at Jensen from where he’d stood to watch, his small hip pressing against the broken doorframe of the room. He’d raised an eyebrow at the nickname but remained silent.

 

Jay. It made his candy heart flutter. 

 

“Jay?” Jensen asked again, panicked, “Where’d you go?”

 

Jared should have tied his undone shoelace and left. He should have looked for a phone and called for somebody to come pick him up. This was the part of the night where Jared should have run away and never thought of Jensen ever again.

 

Instead, Jared let the pull he felt in his chest lead him to Jensen. He should have tied his shoes and gone, but instead, he took them off. Took off his socks, too, and stepped through the pile of pills and dirty dishes barefoot, careful not to step not the needle he’d seen laying by the edge of the mattress. 

 

“ _Jared, Jared, Jared_ ,” Jensen whined out as a red pain overcame him.

 

His body was homesick for the boy he’d just met a mere hour ago. 

 

Jared listened to Jensen’s needle-sick whining as he unclothed himself down to his boxers. It was too dangerous for him to walk home this late at night, anyways. He decided to stay with Jensen and help him if he needed it throughout the night. 

 

In the end, Jared convinced himself to stay. What kind of person would he be if he left a person in need alone in such a bad state? Jared convinced himself to stay with Jensen because it’s was the right thing to do.

 

 Definitely not because Jensen, high on God knows what, laying down on a dirty mattress, looked achingly beautiful as he whines for Jared to stay. Jared had never felt such a strange emotion, but he knew he wanted to spend more time with the man. 

 

 

Jensen finally calmed down when he felt the gentle dip in the mattress. Warmth flooded the bed as Jared curled up next to him, soft and sweet. His insides burned, but Jensen wasn’t sure if it was because of the toxins he’d dangerously consumed hours previous to meeting the tiger lily of a child. 

 

He could scorch for all he cared. Tonight, he’d sleep in a bed of flames, Jensen concluded as he pulled the sweet boy closer to him, latched him onto his hip the way a mother would with her baby child , and fell asleep to the sound of nervous childlike breathing. 

 

**___________**

 

Sometime along the night, Jared had woken up in the arms of a stranger named Jensen in an apartment filled with narcotics and filth. The strange part was, Jared had never fallen into such a comfortable sleep as he did with Jensen by his side. 

 

He wouldn’t have woken up from his sweet sleep if it hadn’t been for Jensen singing in his sleep. Even as Jared battled through sleep haze, he recognized the song. It had been the same song Jensen sung before he had fallen asleep. 

_“Under that ice, she's burning like fire_

_She'd like to cuddle up to me_

_She's playing hard to get_

_The lady loves me, but she doesn't know it yet.”_

 

 

Jared’s heart froze at the words. A strange sensation bloomed in his chest. Tiger lilies left out in the wilting sun for too long. Jared gulped and fell back into Jensen’s warm embrace. 

 

It wasn’t long before sleep encapsulated him once more.


	2. photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "With all guilty conscious tucked away, Jensen thinks he’s beautiful. With nothing but a slightly oversized shirt and a pair of boxers that expose creamy white thighs, the boy stands terrified in the center of Jensen’s living room."

Jensen had woken up the soberest he'd been in the past month. He remembered nothing about the previous night, but he was relieved when he had realized he’d managed to return home unscathed. Nothing about him was off except the painful throb in his head, but that was to be expected after a day spent taking strange drugs. 

 

Maybe he wasn’t as sober as he had thought because he could have sworn his bed smelled different. Angelic, almost. There was a warmth that lingered by his side that made Jensen feel as if he was missing something.

 

He sat upright in his bed, tried to recall last nights events, but failed to do so. Just another needle-trip then, Jensen assumed.

 

He let his head fall into his hands and cradled his fucked up cranium. He’d paid good cash for rehab months ago, had attended an AA meeting, too. He’d gone the whole nine, but it was a bust if last night was anything to go by.

 

Regret and pity consumed him in the early morning hours. Sunshine had already started to sneak its way into his room and Jensen’s eyes were already watering with irritation. He wanted nothing more than to sink back into his bed and throw his blankets over his body.

 

And on any regular day, he would. Except Jensen swore he heard footsteps inside his apartment.

 

“Fuck,” Jensen hissed, wondering if he’d brought in another cheap fuck last night.

 

He got up, stumbled slightly, and slammed his bedroom door open in hopes of startling whoever had overstayed their welcome. Jensen’s tongue was ready to yell at somebody, anybody, but when Jensen saw a small boy in his apartment, he wondered if he was still doped out of his mind.

 

It wasn’t just any boy, though. With all of his guilty conscious tucked away, Jensen thought the child bathed in sunlight that stood as a centerpiece in his living room was beautiful. 

 

With nothing but a slightly oversized shirt and a pair of boxers that exposed creamy white thighs, the boy stood terrified in the center of Jensen’s living room.

 

He looked devastating and surreal. Something out of one of those photographs that made you stop feeling human. The kind they hung up in museums. An artwork that made you stop, stare, and feel. 

 

Jensen didn’t know what he felt, but the sight of the young boy standing nervously in his man-made sea of narcotics and empty fast-food bags was enough to make Jensen’s insides tremble with sick desires.

 

“Who are you?” Jensen asked, bewildered if not a little love-struck.

 

Jared floundered for words until he finally managed to say his name.

 

“Jared.”

 

The name was warm, angelic, everything that was missing from his bed earlier. Jensen recalled fragments of the previous night until it all slowly started to come back. Memories of last night bubbled at the edge of his mind.

 

“That...” Jensen began, before shaking his head, “Why does that name sound familiar?”

 

Jared knew that question wasn’t meant for him. Jensen was trying to piece everything together bit by bit on his own. Jared decided to help him out anyways.

 

“It’s my name, mister. You kept on saying it last night when you were poisoned.”

 

It took Jensen time to piece everything together. Gorgeous child, him drugged out of his mind. He hadn’t been poisoned. Not against his own will, anyway.

 

Jensen huffed out a breath of disbelief. At Jared for being so naive, and at himself for being such a dirty old man. Why did he lure a child into his bed last night?

 

“We didn’t do anything... did we?” Jensen asked cautiously.

 

Jared lifted an eyebrow, “We walked you home... and then you sang to me.”

 

“No, I mean,” Jensen sighs out of frustration, “Did we...  _you know?”_

 

Jared, twelve years old and raised on the censored PG words of the Christian Bible, had no idea what Jensen was referring to.

 

“Do what?” Jared asked, softly perplexed.

 

“For crying out loud- _Did we have sex last night?!_ ” Jensen all but screamed at the kid.

 

The room fell into uneasy silence. Jensen had immediately regretted it when he realized how frightened the boy looked when he had raised his voice. A soft red glossed over the boy’s eyes and indicated he’d finally become scared of the man he had spent the night with. 

 

Jensen sighed and reminded himself he couldn’t speak to children the way he spoke to adults when they get on his nerves.

 

Jared, in hidden sobs, replied, “No! Why would we... boys can’t do that together...”

 

His words trailed off, and Jensen gulped at the fact that little Jared didn’t even know about gay sex. He sure as hell wouldn’t be teaching him the gay version of the birds and the bees. Though the thought was tempting.

 

“It was just a question, kid.”

 

The room settled into uncomfortable silence. Jensen didn’t move, and neither did Jared. With a quick glance at the apartment door, Jared found his ratty sneakers placed up against the wall. 

 

Jensen followed his glance and watched as the boy dashed for his shoes.

 

“I need my pants,” Jared sighed shakily, obviously trying not to cry.

 

Jensen bit his lip, “Um... I don’t know where they are.”

 

“In your room,” Jared told him, “I’ll get them, it’s okay.”

 

Jared didn’t move to get Jared’s pants, though. He stayed put until Jensen gave him the okay. Jensen wanted the little shit to get out of his house and leave him alone to rot. Being around Jared was not a good thing, not a good idea, not a good anything. But the more Jensen looked into the child’s glassy eyes, the more it made something inside of him break.

 

He sighed, “I’ll get them for you. Stay here.”

 

Jared did as he was told.

 

When Jensen entered his room, he saw the article of clothing lying at the foot of his bed. A small pair of jeans that Jensen had somehow missed while he had gotten out of bed that morning. 

 

For the record, he thought he was amidst a robbery in the morning. Not his fault he hadn’t paid attention to the minor details.

 

He walked the jeans back over to Jared and handed them over with a thin smile that wasn’t enough to be friendly, but it was enough to make Jared smile back at him thankfully. Tiny slender fingers plucked the jeans out of Jensen’s hand. Jared hardly hesitated before he began putting them on in front of Jensen without a second thought.

 

It made Jensen stop and stare. Made him wonder when his limbs would turn around to give the child the privacy to change, but his limbs were stuck and refused to let him look away. 

 

Jensen watched every motion Jared allowed him to see. He watched the way his soft, peach-fuzz covered legs moved and arched in order to get the pants on. Jared tugged them on slightly, and Jensen could only drool as the fabric tugged between his thighs and gathered at his crotch.

 

The room spun with warmth and ache.

 

With one last swift sound of a zipper being pulled up, Jensen could breathe again. Jared was fully clothed, but his shoes had still not been put on. Jensen watched this ritual too, the way Jared put on his shoes, the pretty arch of his foot taunted him until his petite feet were fully covered by flimsy sneakers.

 

“I need to go home,” Jared stated.

 

Jensen nodded as if to agree. He wished this were a world that would allow him to keep the child in his possessions. He would watch him all day as he strung himself out on all sorts of narcotics. That would be bliss at its finest.

 

Instead, Jensen led Jared to the door and held it open for him. He watched as Jared walked past him out into the morning heat, and through his peripheral vision, Jensen noticed something.

 

His kitchen. It had been cleaned.

 

Almost instinctually, Jensen grabbed onto Jared’s shoulder, “The kitchen...”

 

Jared opened his mouth in surprise, nodded and looked into the kitchen. Then back at Jensen.

 

“Yeah... I wanted to stay with you until you woke up. I cleaned up a little bit meanwhile.”

 

Jensen gulped and looked down at the child. The child who didn’t know about anal sex or about the kinds of drugs Jensen had taken the night before. The child who didn’t know better than to go home with a junkie that probably wanted nothing more than to fuck Jared into the mattress. If Jensen was attracted to the boy now, he couldn’t begin to imagine how bad he must have had it last night.

 

A part of Jensen cried out to him, telling him to leave the child alone so he could grow up healthy and safe. Jensen’s conscience screamed at him to let the boy go and let him have a nice life without the interference of a perverted heroine addict.

 

In the end, Jensen found himself closing the door with Jared still inside his apartment. He maneuvered the kid towards the couch and told him to wait for him there.

 

“I’m going to go get ready, you wait there. I’m taking you out for ice-cream.”

 

____________

 

Maybe their story had begun in an alley with lightbulb halos around Jared’s head. Maybe their real story began here, in the coffin of an apartment that Jensen had conditioned himself into calling home. Either way, their story had begun, and neither was ready to have it to end.

 

It had just begun to get good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been in a depression slump and I whipped this story out of my ass in one sitting, so I hope it's somewhat decent at least. (I want the writing to be decent. I want the characters to be sinful). So please tell me how I'm doing since I'm insecure out of my mind.


	3. staying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s still a cherry-fresh boy who knows all of his prayers forwards and backward, but at that moment, something in the child’s eyes darkens. Jensen watches him quietly and feels a stinging flutter in the center of his chest. Charred innocence is still innocence at the end of the day.

When Jensen stared into the mirror between his waking hour and his conscious hour, it took him a while to realize the man looking back at him was himself. Dark under eyes, dry skin, a darkness in his eyes that he couldn’t pinpoint. Couldn’t remember when his bright mossy eyes became filmed over with filthy murkiness.

He sighed and splashed his face with water in hopes that would enliven him. Even just a little.

It did nothing more than pull him closer to being awake, and being awake was the bane of his existence. 

He shaved, though. And he put on a clean set of clothes before he left his house. God, he even spritzed on a splash of cologne in order to hide the wafting smell of smoke that followed him around more than his own shadow.

By the time he looked into the mirror again, he looked good. Presentable.

Jensen still couldn’t seem to recognize himself. The clean man staring back at him wasn’t himself. At least the earlier reflection looked fucked up and out of his mind. Jensen knew that version of himself better than this strange reflection looking back at him.

He’d showered, cleaned, shaved, and was ready to take a twelve-year-old out to eat some ice-cream.

The more Jensen thought of Jared, he no longer felt like a stranger to himself. His thoughts were dirtier than any mirror would ever show him, and despite being washed up and clean, his head would never be cleansed of muck. In the end, Jensen wasn’t a clean man after all.

**____________**

It was only a block and a half down the road. The ice-cream shop wasn’t far, so there wasn’t much reason for paranoia, but Jensen still made sure he didn’t look like the seedy dirty man that he was at heart. He didn't need a cop chasing him down in plain daylight for being with a boy less than half his age. 

Jensen walked with Jared wearing an anxious face and tense muscles. 

There weren’t going to be any cops coming to arrest him for something so minuscule as walking alongside Jared down a public sidewalk. Jensen knew that much. But even if somebody did ask why Jensen was with Jared, Jensen could say he’d found the kid wandering off on his own and Jensen had merely rescued him.

It’d be a fun lie to tell. Jensen would love it, would bask in the irony of the imaginary scenario. Him being the rescuer, him being the hero, him being the good Samaritan of the story when he was nothing more than a selfish aging man that wanted nothing but to keep stray Jared by his side, knowing very well he had a family to get back to. Jensen, the capturer, would feign to be the hero when he was nothing more than the dirty man that wanted sweet little Jared all for himself.

“You think your mama’s worried about you?” Jensen asked, his voice a little dazed due to his daydreaming.

Jared shook his head. “No.”

Jensen’s forehead wrinkled slightly. “No?”

“She’s dead, Mister Jensen.”

His reply had stuck Jensen in a way he hadn’t been prepared for. In an instant that had consisted of only a few seconds, Jared had become tainted.

He was still a cherry-fresh boy who knew all of his prayers forwards and backward, but at that moment something in the child’s eyes darkened. Jensen watched him quietly and felt a burning sting flutter in the center of his chest. 

It didn’t matter, though. Charred innocence was still innocence at the end of the day.

**____________**

It was angelic. Hypnotic. Fever-inducing.

Red flowed through Jensen’s veins at a speed that didn’t feel quite human. All because of Jared, seated in the middle of the red-leather chair right across from Jensen, kitten licking at his strawberry vanilla swirl ice-cream cone.

The child did a peculiar thing that made Jensen wonder when he’d left God. When he’d left the house of the Lord, and when he’d stopped wearing a golden cross around his neck and reciting prayers. When did he stop being a holy man? When did he become everything he hated in the world that ranged from a drug addict to a man whose gaze lingered on unused flesh for a little too long?

It didn’t matter in the end, though, did it?

It couldn’t.

As Jensen watched Jared pick sprinkle by sprinkle off of his ice-cream cone with his tongue, Jensen knew that in itself could be its own religion. It was surely more satisfying than any sermon Jensen ever sat through as a child. Christ’s blood and body would mean nothing if he could only flick his own tongue out into the sweet cave of Jared’s mouth until he’d plucked out a sugar sprinkle off of Jared’s tongue.

Jensen supposed that’d be his heaven on earth. He’s an impatient man. Heaven after death was too long. If Jared was alive with him now, then that’s the heaven he wanted now.

It was then, in the dizzying moments inside an ice cream shop that Jensen knew he wanted to be saved by Jared.

“Tell me what you’ve been learning in Sunday school, Jared,” Jensen cooed.

**____________**

Jensen watched as the child skipped in front of him. Watched how Jay stopped every minute to cherish the way a ladybug had landed on the leaf of a flower that grew out of the sidewalk or how Jared stopped in front of a store and sang along to the song that played inside.

He was beautiful in every sense of the word, and Jensen had never smiled so much before.

Yet, Jensen continued to walk Jared home. This could be seen as a good deed, yes, but Jensen had other plans up his sleeve. He’d need to give Jared up for a little while in order to keep him in the future.

And so Jensen walked the tightrope, dangled over sidewalk cracks as he watched Jared lead the way back to his home.

Jensen planned on returning his child bride even before he'd gotten the chance to make the child reciprocate his love. It was okay, though. For the first time in a long time, Jensen felt at ease. He felt confident that he would be able to make Jared be his in the end.

**____________**

Jared’s sneakers hit the pavement harshly as the boy ran down the street. The pair walked through a hidden little street swarming with birch trees that looked as if they were reaching out to grab Jensen. The wind blew against Jensen's torso harshly, tree leaves swung in his direction as if to shoo him away.

Jensen ignored it all and followed the sound of sneakers hitting pavement.

“Slow down, kiddo!” Jensen yelled, exhausted due to the walk from the bus station to Jared’s house.

They’d taken the bus into the center of town when Jensen assumed Jared lived near the salon he’d apparently found him at the night before. Turned out the kid lived on the outskirts of town in the most secluded cul-de-sac Jensen had ever seen in his life.

“Hurry up! I want you to meet Auntie!” Jared whined, but he paused and waited for Jensen to catch up despite his complaining.

Jensen sped towards him until he had managed to finally walk alongside Jared. Jared was eager to get home, but he calmed down in order to walk with Jensen until their steps were synchronized.

“Jared, do you trust me?” Jensen asked suddenly when the atmosphere went quiet, “You came with me to my house last night, so obviously do, right?”

Jared looked up at Jensen with a gleam in his eyes. “Duh,” he had replied with an eye-roll.

Jensen bit his lip in order to keep from grinning.

“Duh,” Jensen mimicked giddily.

“If you trust me so much, then you’re going to keep secrets with me, okay?”

Jared looked up at Jensen once more, all childlike sassiness put away. Despite Jensen’s tone having sounded harsh, Jared looked at Jensen the same way he had when Jensen promised to buy him whatever ice-cream flavor he wanted. 

Jared lit up before he jumped up and down on his heels like an excited toddler.

“You want to keep secrets with me? Auntie never tells me her secrets!” Jared spoke animatedly, his excitement nothing but adorable.

Jensen chuckled, “Then maybe it’s time she got a taste of her own medicine, huh?”

Jared nodded eagerly, not once questioning Mister Jensen’s motives. 

“Jared, you need to trust me when I tell lies to your auntie, okay? It’s the only way you can come back to visit me and we can stay friends... you do want to be my friend, right?”

It was manipulation at it’s finest, with a pinch of depravity mixed in, but Jensen had always been good at striking up good deals. How else would his deadly desire be met every single time he craved a hit of crystallized ambrosia? Jared’s nothing new, just a pretty new brand of poison that Jensen doesn’t need a taste of to know he’s already hooked.

“Pinky promise?” Jared asked shy and hesitant, small finger extended out towards Jensen.

The older man grinned, wolflike. Ignored the frantic whistle of the trees that warned Jared to not make the deal. It was too late though, Jensen’s smallest finger was already curled around Jay’s pinky completely.

Even after Jared pulled away from his finger, Jensen still felt the lingering heat of a child’s naivety curled softly around his finger. Their pact was sealed, and Jared was done for.

**____________**

Jared’s aunt was a beautiful woman. Her hair was one shade lighter than Jared’s and her features were strong and elegant. Jensen had figured it out then; Jared came from a family of heartbreakers. Heart-ruiners. 

Jay’s aunt stood tall in the middle of the doorframe until she collapsed to her knees at the sight of the beautiful child that had gone missing under her watch. Jensen didn’t blame her, but he also resented her.

He resented the way she had Jared. The way she got to live with Jared and got to take care of the child. If Jensen had that privilege, he’d never let the boy leave his side. It'd be just the two of them together forever.

“Oh, thank you, sir! Where did you find him?!” the woman sobbed into the soft tufts of Jared’s hair.

Jensen smiled sweetly as best he could, “Found him wandering around town. It was late at night when I found him-”

_**when I made him come home with me** _

“And he said he didn’t know how to get home. I told him he could stay with me and I’d bring him home in the morning-”

_**he slept in my bed like an angel** _

“Excuse me for bringing him home so late ma'am. It’s nearly noon!”

_**I would’ve had never brought him back to you if I had the choice** _

Jensen’s lies worked like a charm. Suddenly, Jared's aunt was hugging him equally as sappy as she had hugged her beloved child. She told him to come in and asked if he wanted her to pay him.

“How can I ever repay you, sir?”

It sounded like magic to Jensen’s ears. A soft ease fell into place. His heart beats smoothed into a rhythm with serenity until he was well enough to answer.

“I was wondering if you’d let Jared come work with me downtown?” Jensen began in his pretending-to-be-sweet-voice before he elaborated, “You see, I have a medical condition that keeps me from being able to keep the house tidy most of the time. I would get a maid, but money is so scarce nowadays, yeah?”

Jared’s aunt nodded in agreement. Jensen continued.

“Today when I woke up Jared had cleaned the kitchen for me, and in return, I bought him ice-cream. But maybe if you’d be kind enough to let me borrow him here and there, I’d be able to give him a little allowance?”

Jensen sent his best smile at Auntie Padalecki. The kind of smile that won over the hearts of lonely woman everywhere. It seemed to work even on the most dignified of women, so it came as no surprise when the woman nearly melted into her seat and began to nod robotically at Jensen’s request, much to his relief.

“I suppose. But... I think I’m going to need to ground him for a bit, and once he’s learned his lesson I’ll send him your way,” she explained.

Jensen didn’t want any part of that. He wanted Jared now. As soon as possible.

Thankfully he was an expert on how to rip out a woman’s heart just as easily as he knew how to make them melt.

“I think he’s learned his lesson. A boy sometimes just need to wander around and be given his space, though. Maybe your husband can understand...?” Jensen divisively trailed off in question.

The woman looked down at the creaky wooden floors, her voice seemed to be caught in her throat until she looked up with a sad set of eyes. She turned to look at Jared who was seated on the love seat of the living room with his head turned downwards in disappointment of himself.

Jensen’s heart broke at the sight, and he wanted nothing but to drop his act and embrace the child. Assure him that there was nothing but goodness inside of him. But he couldn’t. He needed to focus on Jared’s aunt for now.

“Oh, well, my husband is dead. He died a few years ago along with Jaybird's parents. It’s just us two now,” she smiled sweetly at her nephew despite the hurt in her voice.

Ah. Jensen was delighted, more than he should be, but he couldn't help to keep digging his knife into freshly made wounds. He made use of the sore spot he’d found in the woman to his advantage. 

“Well a boy should have a male figure in his life to look up to, don’t you think? I could definitely do my best to be that for Jay. I know I wouldn’t be the man I am without my father.”

It was all a lie, of course. He hadn’t seen his father in years after he had left him to fend for himself on his deathbed the last time they had seen each other.

Jared’s aunt bought into his lies, and before Jensen knew it, she was nodding tentatively. She had agreed. She had secured the pact right then and there.

“Very well. Jay, how do you feel about helping this man out during your free time?” she asked Jared with a smile.

Jared lifted his head like a doll who had just come back to life, much to Jensen’s relief. The smile on the child’s face reminded Jensen that everything he had done up to this point had been worth it. He would tell all the lies he had to in order to keep watching the way those hazel eyes lit up when something good was about to happen.

“Yes, yes! Please, auntie,” Jared whined, his hands tucked under his thighs as he leaned on the edge of the couch cushions with excitement.

His auntie laughed and sighed, “It’s settled then. When do you want him to start working?”

“As soon as he can,” Jensen smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave me nice comments, nice comments are my lifeline


	4. with a cherry on top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to get darker here.

It had begun. A shallow water had overcome his feet and ankles, and up until now, Jensen hadn’t realized the water reached his throat. His neck felt bruised that week, as if metaphorical waters had choked him in a failed attempt at murder. Maybe not murder, but rather a way to put a useless human out of an equally useless misery.

Jensen had been consumed by a red rage that cut at him when Jared’s aunt had called the day Jared was supposed to visit and informed Jensen that the child would not be visiting until the following week. 

A week without Jared, then. Jensen thought he could bare through it, but the more and more he tried to prolong his time without the boy, the more Jensen spiraled out of control. His addiction became fruitful again, and each day was spent contacting one of his dealers and asking for the strongest thing they had. 

He hadn’t been going to work lately either, which meant he would most likely have to start looking for a new job soon. He’d have to start selling drugs on the side again to get by for the next month or so. 

By the time the week had finally finished, Jensen was nothing more than a shell of a man. He had spent his days in bed with his shaky hands trying to insert needles into the crook of his arm with hopes he wouldn’t mess up the procedure too badly. 

When he looked around the room, it spun. His room was moving with him inside of it, and Jensen did nothing but giggle at the way the walls of his room danced. At one point he had begun to clap his hands to cheer on the walls to dance some more. When they had finally stopped, Jensen collapsed back onto his bed, his chest erupting with loud laughs of happiness. 

There was a faint knocking at the door that Jensen could hear even though he was walking on the edge of a drug-induced sleep. He heard it and wondered who it could be, his drugged mind not once remembering Jared was coming over that day. 

“Kiddo...” Jensen said, but the memory of having ever even said the word had already fled Jensen’s mind mere seconds after having said it. 

A strange muscle spasm overtook Jensen’s body before he fell asleep.

____________

Jensen woke up to banging on his doorstep. He’d ignored it at first, too dazed out to want to do anything but stay confined to his bed. He thought that if he ignored it all, it would stop. 

That wasn’t the case at all. If anything, the knocking did nothing but continue twice as loud and furious. 

“Stop it! Stop it, shut up!” Jensen had fiuriously screamed into the darkness of his room when the pounding had begun to irritate his drug-sensitive head. 

The knocking stopped, thankfully, and Jensen had curled back into his bed as best he could. The blankets were bunched up uncomfortably, but Jensen wasn’t in in a state of mind where that mattered. He slept on top of the uncomfortably knotted bedsheets and let the awkward blanket bumps bruise and dig into his sickly body. 

Jensen thought that had been the end of the disturbance, but it was far from it. He hadn’t even heard the footsteps that entered his home until bright lights flooded his vision. When he opened his eyes, the lights of his room had been turned on, depriving him of his comfort. 

“Wha-”

“Mr.Ackles.” 

Jensen managed pulled himself up into sitting position by some miracle. His hands swiped over his eyes to wipe away the eye crust that had formed during slumber. 

When his head had stopped aching as much as it ever would, Jensen looked up and saw Jared. He was a pretty sight to wake up to, usually, but this time Jared wasn’t alone. He was with Jensen’s landlord, a dark-skinned woman that had dark locks of hair that cascaded down and ended a pause above her stomach. She was beautiful on most days, Jensen gave her that much, but compared to Jared, she was at an utter loss for beauty. 

“Mr.Ackles, can you tell me why in God’s name you’ve locked this child outside your apartment all night?” she asked, her tone vexed. 

Jensen waited until his mind made sense of everything. Just like a movie flashback, everything came back to him in bits and pieces until he remembered what had happened. He’d missed Jared so much, and instead of having a psychotic breakdown, Jensen had taken as much narcotics as he could. 

They had merely been a replacement until Jared came back to him. Now he’d ruined everything. Everything. 

He’d locked the child outside of his apartment for God knows how long. Jensen’s heart raced when he wondered what his landlord would do when she realized Jared visited him in his home that was not in suitable conditions to house any living person. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve been under the weather lately...” Jensen lied, flinched when the landlord scoffed at his bullshit.

He shook it off. He was lying for Jared, not for her. 

“I heard knocking earlier, but thought it must’ve been one of those annoying people who came to sell me stuff the other day,” Jensen continued with his false story. 

Lisa shook her head at the situation, “It’s a dangerous neighborhood, Ackles. You can’t bring a kid to your house and lock him outside for hours. God knows what could’ve happened...”

“I’m okay,” Jared interjected softly, speaking for the first time since he’d stepped into the apartment. 

Both Lisa and Jensen stared at the child with a certain fondness, both of them putting fake smiles on their faces to avoid scaring Jared with their banter. Jensen wanted nothing more than to walk over to Lisa and Jared and take Jared away for himself. 

“Jay... I’m so sorry...” Jensen said with the only true sincerity he had. 

His sincerity was reserved for Jared only. 

Jared looked at Jensen, the child’s eyes rimmed with red. He’d been crying. Jensen’s heart broke as a mental image of Jared crying all by himself out in the cold night. He felt like an asshole for having been so stupid. 

“Jared, how about I drive you home, okay? You can call your auntie on the way and we can pick up some grub, yeah?” Jensen suggested, trying so very desperately to find a way to fix things. 

Lisa put on a fake act in front of Jared, “Hey, buddy, how does that sound?”

Jared looked back and forth between the two before he nodded at Jensen. 

“Yeah, okay, great,” Jensen smiled, “Let me just pull on some cleaner clothes, okay?” 

Lisa sighed and led Jared out into the living room in order to give Jensen privacy. Once the door to his room had closed, Jensen bunched up his fists and pounded them against his head for being so moronic. He couldn’t believe what he’d done to screw things over right after he’d so smoothly lied to Jared’s Aunt. Everything had been going well until now. 

What was done was done, though. Jensen bit his lip until he bled as a way to punish himself before he stood up and pulled on decent smelling clothes. He slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed his car keys that laid somewhere amongst the heaps of trash on the floor. It had almost become second nature when it came to locating items throughout his trashed apartment. 

“Okay, we ready to go home?” Jensen asked Jared as he walked out of his bedroom. 

He looked at the way Lisa scanned his apartment with disgust. The traveling smell of smoke and moldy foods made Lisa scrunch her face up, but she still tried her best to put on a happy smile for Jared. Jensen watched with irritation as the woman placed a hand on the child’s shoulder and pulled him close to her as if he would drift out into the dirty corners of the place and never come back. 

“Yes, let’s get out of here,” Lisa replied, already near the door with Jared in tow. 

Jared walked out of the apartment first, and before Jensen could follow after Lisa, the woman swiveled to face him. Her features were stoic and unpleased with the events of the night. 

“Ackles, I swear if you bring that child here again I’ll call the police,” she whispered, fearful Jared would her threats and become scared. 

Jensen stopped.

“Lisa... c’mon now,” he pleaded, “He’s just here to help me clean the house a little and earn some cash for his family.” 

“It’s not safe to bring him here. I know you, Jensen. You’re up to something, and I don’t want that child’s life in danger,” the edge to her voice made Jensen want to give up hope. 

But then he thought about Jared. Jared with his soft hair and gorgeous eyes and wonderful innocence. Jared wasn’t the kind of child to give up on. Jensen would never dream of it. 

“His aunt lets me bring him here, Lisa. I’m not doing anything wrong. I pay all my bills on time every month and I never give you trouble. What’s wrong with wanting companionship?” Jensen argued, his voice getting louder with each word. 

“Mrs.Berry?” Jared called out from the top of the stairs that led to Jensen’s apartment. 

Jared looked at Lisa who stood outside of the apartment as she spoke with Jensen. His eyes looked worried from the angle Jensen managed to see him from indoors. 

“Give the adults a minute, okay?” Lisa smiled before turning back to Jensen. 

“Listen, Jensen. If there’s ever as much as a scratch on that child, if I ever catch him crying the way I did tonight, I’m giving you an eviction and getting the police involved, got it?” 

Jensen paused, partially hurt at the thought of Jared crying over his stupid mistake. He kept his cool, though. He stepped out of the apartment and smirked. 

“You call the police and I’ll tell them you don’t keep up with your inspections. When was your last inspection? A couple of years ago?” Jensen kept going, “And remember that woman who lived next door who would pay her rent with smack? That’d be an interesting thing to tell the cops, huh?” 

Jensen slammed the door to his apartment particularly hard before walking past a stunned-looking Lisa and towards Jared. He rested his arm on one of his shoulders before he smiled down at the child admiringly. 

“Say bye to Mrs.Berry, Jared.”

With a smile, Jared waved goodbye. Lisa had no other choice but to plaster a smile on her face as she waved back. 

__________

Jensen’s car was a beat up little thing with its paint job chipping away to expose rust. The seats inside were uncomfortable with no cushioning at all. It wasn’t ideal, but it worked, and Jared, per usual, didn’t complain in the slightest. 

He didn’t speak at all. He looked out of the passenger window without a word and Jensen would have respected that if he didn’t feel so on edge after the events of the night. 

“Jay, you think you could speak to me?” Jensen asked, more-so pleaded. 

Jensen took his eyes off the road to look at Jared, who shook his head no. 

“I’m sorry Jared, I mean it. I wasn’t feeling good and I had to take medicine that knocked me out. I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Jensen’s voice was weaved with anxiety and sadness. 

Still, Jared said nothing. Just looked out into the night sky that was fogged up and gentle. 

“Screw this,” Jensen said, his anger getting the best of him before he skidded off the road and parked his car at the side of the road. 

“Jared, please, I’m sorry.” 

Jared huffed and looked at Jensen for the first time since they’d gotten into the car together. The boy shrugged his shoulders, and Jensen couldn’t decide what that meant, but it was a start that Jensen wholly accepted. 

“Kid, I’m sorry. I’m going to do whatever it takes to be better for you, okay? I promise. But for now, all I can offer is to buy you a burger and give you as many apologies until you speak to me again, okay?” 

Jensen didn’t know how to be a good person. Especially not to a child. All he knew was drugs. Drugs fixed things, but Jensen struggled to breathe when Jared refused to speak to him. Jensen realized drugs had ruined a good thing. Drugs had ruined something, and Jensen didn’t know how to cope with that. 

“Fine.”

Jensen’s eyes widened when he realized the boy had spoken to him. He’d missed that honey soft voice filling his ears with stories about curiosities or about a new Bible story he’d learned during Sunday school. 

Jensen took the first easy breath of the night before driving off to find Jared something good to eat. He was a little low on money, but he was sure he could find Jared something good. He’d give up a month’s rent for the child. 

__________

“What can I get you?” asked the static voice of the drive-thru intercom. 

“One cheeseburger... actually, make that two. And two orders of fries. Can you give us two ice-cream shakes-”

Jensen stopped speaking when he felt a tugging at his sweatshirt. He turned to find Jared looking at him with worried eyes.

“Auntie doesn’t let me have ice-cream shakes...” Jared said.

“Oh,” Jensen muttered, “But would you like one, Jay? They’re good.”

Jensen paused, “It could be our little secret, you know?” 

That seemed to make Jared’s eyes light up. His worried face left and was replaced with a happy one. Jensen winked at him before going back to order. 

“Yeah, could I get two strawberry shakes?”

Jensen bites his lip.

“And put some cherries on one of them, please.”

____________

As they waited for their food, Jensen had called Jared’s auntie. She’d spoken to Jared for a minute before speaking to Jensen again. 

“We just grabbed food, and I was wondering if I’d be able to keep him for the night...” Jensen trailed off, “I just grabbed him dinner and he’s made himself comfortable in my apartment,” Jensen lied, “I’d hate to have to make him get up at this hour...”

It was no later than 10 pm, but it was late for a 12-year-old. Jensen did his part and acted like a concerned man not wanting to disturb a sleepy Jared until his auntie hesitantly decided it would be fine for him to stay with Jensen. 

“I’ll bring him home safely tomorrow, then,” Jensen said, hoping his voice didn’t give away the size of his smile over the phone. 

He snapped his phone shut before handing it over to Jared. He gave Jared a warm smile.

“You ready for a sleepover, Jared?” 

Jared looked at Jensen with sleepy eyes as he sipped at his cold drink. When his lips pulled away from his straw he looked at Jensen with excitement, all grogginness erased from his features. 

“Really? I’ve never had a sleepover before!” Jared excitedly told him. 

“Yeah?” 

“You’re going to be my first!” Jared said. 

Jensen trembled at those words. Wondered how many firsts he was willing to give Jared. All of them, he supposed. 

As they drove back to his apartment, Jensen allowed himself to stare at Jared. The streetlights illuminated him gorgeously. Dull orange lights cast dancing shadows over his small boy's features, and Jensen wanted nothing more but to reach out and touch that pretty picture of a child. Jensen watched as Jared plucked cherries out of his milkshake and held them by the stem as he pulled the plump cherry into his mouth with his teeth. 

Yeah. Jensen would give him as many firsts as he could. 

___________

Jared’s more than a friend in Jensen's eyes. Obviously. But in the cold morning hours, Jared feels like a companion. Jensen had forgotten what having a friend felt like. He’d closed people off for so long that he’d forgotten what it felt like to want a person to stay by his side all hours of the day and night. 

A giggle erupted out of Jared when he accidentally smeared ketchup on his chin as he tried to take a big bite out of his burger. Jensen smiled sweetly at the image of Jared sitting cross-legged on the floor of his home laughing at the mess he was making. 

Jensen grinned and had swiped his thumb across the soft skin of Jared’s skin. Jared had offered Jensen a napkin when he saw his thumb had been covered in ketchup. Without being able to stop himself, Jensen dipped his thumb into his mouth and sucked his thumb clean, much to his own pleasure and to Jared’s own disgust. 

“Eww!” Jared cried out endearingly, making Jensen laugh. 

“Come on, eat your food,” Jensen urged, and Jared didn’t need to be told twice. 

“So Jared,” Jensen began through a mouthful of food, “Have you ever thought about what your first sleepover would be like?” 

Jared, having just swallowed down a bite of cheeseburger shook his head, “Not really. I guess I’d always wanted to stay up all night eating junk food and watching movies....”

Jared trailed off, “I don’t really know what to do during sleepovers,” he confessed. 

Jensen looked back at his high school years and tried to remember having these nights with his old buddies. He smiled at the nostalgic memories of when things were more controlled and stable in his life. It all seemed like it had happened a lifetime ago. Most of his memories had stopped feeling as if they even belonged to him years ago.

“When I had sleepovers, my friends and I would talk about the girls we liked. And we would talk about naughty stuff. And then we’d pig out and watch movies all night and maybe drink a beer or two... but that was my friend group. Other people do sleepovers differently.” 

Jared hummed as he processed what he’d just been told. He didn’t have crushes on any girls, so he wouldn’t be able to talk about that. And he didn’t want to talk about naughty stuff. 

“I don't think I want to talk about... dirty things. But can we watch movies? My auntie doesn’t let me watch movies for older people even though I’m already in middle school,” Jared complained adorably. 

“Movies it is then,” Jensen proclaimed, “Ever watched a horror movie?”

Jared shook his head, shyly. Jensen knew he was in for a treat. 

____________

Jensen’s horror movie collection was one of his most prized possessions. He had piles of horror movies all around his house ranging from B-Horror to some actual sleep-depriving horror films. He’d chosen one of the scarier movies to show to Jared. 

It was cruel and Jensen knew it. He could have at least started Jared off with the cheesy movies in order to ease him into the more gory and terrifying world of horror, but Jensen ignored his guilt and popped in The Exorcist into his DVD player. 

When Jensen turned around he looked directly at Jared. The boy was curled up in one of the cleaner blankets he owned. He was snuggled up on the couch slowly eating his cold french fries and finishing off his milkshake. 

“You sure you’re ready for your first horror movie?” Jensen asked, teasingly. 

Jared looked up at him with wide eyes before nodding. He already looked horrified and the movie hadn’t even started yet. 

Jensen shrugged and pressed play. It wasn't as if he’d forced the kid into watching movies not meant for his age, right? Jared had agreed to it, Jensen was just following commands. 

“Alright, well you better sit closer to me then. This one made people in the movie theater have to leave from how scared they were,” Jensen explained, “So if you need to cover your eyes or anything, go ahead.”

As soon as Jensen had plopped himself on the couch, he’d been pleasantly surprised at how fast Jared had listened. He hadn’t even pressed play yet, and Jared had already scooted toward Jensen to the point where the child was on the verge of being seated on his lap. 

Eerie noises filled the living room as the movie began. Jared’s tiny hand held onto his blanket tightly as the unnerving music filled his ears. 

Jensen settled into the couch as comfortably as he could, placed a hand over Jared’s small figure, and let himself enjoy the way he’d be able to console the frightened child as the movie went on. Jensen wasn’t easily scared, after all. Horror movies lost their spark when he realized his own life was worse than most horror movies he’d watched. 

____________

It was one in the morning and Jared still hadn’t gone to bed. Jensen had told him he could sleep in the bedroom and Jensen could take the couch. When Jensen had taken Jared to bed and then gone to leave back into the living room, Jared called out his name. 

“Need something, kiddo?” Jensen asked innocently, pretended that he didn’t know his plan had worked like a charm. 

“Can I sleep with you?” Jared asked, his voice small and muffled by the mountains of blankets that Jensen had generously provided him with. 

Jensen’s grin was predatory, “Come here, Jay.” 

With an arm extended out toward the child, Jensen’s insides bubbled with happiness. Jared leaped off the bed and ran to Jensen, eager for human contact to mitigate the child’s fear. Jensen watched deviously as Jared walked with him towards the couch with nothing but paranoia surrounding his aura. 

Jensen tightened his hand around Jared’s right before he let it go. He placed pillows upon the couch and laid blankets on the couch cushions before he sprawled his body on it. He motioned for Jared to lay with him. 

“There’s barely any room,” Jensen noted, “You mind sleeping on top of me?” 

Even in the dark lighting of the room, Jensen was able to see the sugar-pink blush on Jared’s cheeks. The child bit his lip as he contemplated the idea of sleeping on top of a stranger. 

“I’m sure you don’t weigh much,” Jensen paused for dramatic effect, “But you can always go sleep in my room if you feel uncomfortable.”

Jared quickly shook his head, petrified of the idea of sleeping in a dark room all by himself after having learned about the horrors of the cinematic world. Jared hardly even watched the movie, he had mostly covered his face when something scary had happened or curled up against Jensen when spooky music played. 

Rather than going back to the room, Jared awkwardly climbed on top of Jensen like a kitten settling in a human’s lap. Up until then, Jensen had everything going his way. He hadn’t thought it would work so beautifully, but as Jared sprawled himself on top of him, Jensen swore he saw stars. Red-burning stars. 

He was seeing stars and daisies and he hadn’t even taken a hit in hours. It was all Jared, and all Jared was sometimes too much and simultaneously never enough. Jensen placed his arm on the small of Jared’s back and pressed him closer to his chest. The warmth was sickeningly sweet and soft, and everything Jensen had never had in his life as a child growing up. 

Was it so wrong of him to take something he’d been deprived of his whole life? Whether the answer was yes or no, Jensen didn’t care. He’d follow his instincts, and his instincts wanted nothing more but to open up his chest cavity and make a room for the soft-haired child inside his rib cage. 

“You still scared?” Jensen asked when his voice had finally reemerged. 

Jared said nothing, just hid his face in the crook of Jensen’s neck. The soft tingles of boy breath made Jensen’s heart sing with joy. 

“C’mon, Jay. We’re friends. We tell each other secrets.” 

Jay sighed, sending hot breath towards Jensen who accepted it with open arms and a need for more. 

“I feel like she’s going to be standing there in the corner if I look into the dark,” Jared muttered shyly into the fabric of Jensen’s shirt. 

Jensen lifted his hand toward Jared’s hair and began weaving his fingers through the silky locks. He held the boy to his body as to comfort him. 

Jensen wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him, but he wanted to keep him innocent for a little while longer. 

But with TV static illuminating Jared in a beautiful way not meant for twelve-year-old boys, Jensen knew it was over. Their innocent paradise was over the minute Jensen had persuaded the boy to climb into his lap. 

They were seated like lovers, and so Jensen treated Jared as his well-deserved child bride. 

“Jared, I’m going to do something to help you stop thinking about scary possessed girls, okay?” Jensen began hesitantly, knowing there was no backing out now, “But it’s going to have to be another secret, okay?” 

Jared’s eyes were pleading Jensen to do anything to take his fear away. Maybe he had expected Jensen to turn on the lights and tell him there were no monsters in the house the way his parents had done so years ago. 

Instead, he felt large hands being placed on both sides of his face. With a gentle tug forward, and with a puckering of his lips, Jared found himself encapsulated in his first kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear how you guys feel as you read through this story. Leave a comment, loves.


	5. the rain song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One of them is a bombshell in a pretty dress and elegant looking makeup. The type of women men fall on their knees for. The other is a child with untamed hair and undone shoelaces. 
> 
> Jensen swoons over the smallest Padalecki."

The kiss had been magical. Extraordinarily earth shattering. Jensen, still swimming in his boy-sweat glory, heard strange sounds in his ears right after he’d kissed the boy in his arms. 

Maybe it was wedding bells he heard. He was a romantic at heart, after all. Maybe it was the sound of a fleet of birds singing, praising, flying. A fleet of dove happy for a newfound love. 

The sound doesn’t matter quite as much as the feeling underneath his palms, though. The feeling of Jared. He felt warm, slightly trembling as he tried to understand what had just happened to him. 

Jared, in his arms, looked like a girl who’d just gotten her first kiss stolen. 

Small, slim fingers reach up towards spit shiny lips. Jared rubbed his fingertips against his bottom lip and Jensen watched. The boy had no idea how many things he could do to make Jensen squirm. It was his innocence that made Jensen melt down into a puddle of disgusting, mucky, grey water. 

Even in puddle form, he hoped the brown-haired child would come along and playfully splash pre-teen tennis shoes into his dirty depths. 

“What-” Jared tried questioning Jensen, but his voice came out scared and stuck in a soft wake of confusion. 

Jensen didn’t let him finish. 

“It was to make you feel better, Jared. Didn’t it?” Jensen looked the boy in his eyes as he grabbed onto the child’s bony hips, “Mature boys would like it, at least. Should’ve known better, I guess.” 

Jensen made sure to speak to Jared in a way that wasn't scolding but definitely cold and disapproving. His eyes hardened and he tried to slip away from the child. Jared, realizing Jensen was about to leave him alone, reached out his arms towards the man and placed his hands on Jensen’s chest. Jensen basked in the feeling of being touched by Jared. He let the boy believe he had the strength to pin him down that easily against his will. 

“I’m mature!” Jared nearly cried, “Auntie says I’m mature, Mister Jensen! I just... I’ve never... I-”

“Never been kissed?” Jensen finished the sentence for him. 

Green eyes stared into a teary pool of hazel orbs. The boy nodded once. Jensen’s heart leaped a million. 

“Well, that’s okay. You know that’s okay, Jared?” Jensen shifted until he was seated comfortably on the couch. 

He grabbed hold of tiny wrists and with enough force, he pulled Jared onto his lap. His hands didn't let go of Jared’s wrists for a couple of seconds. 30 seconds. Jensen counted them all. He then rid Jared of his encapsulating hands and instead brought his hands up to cup Jared’s face. 

“You going to let me kiss you, Jay?” Jensen asked the petal-soft boy before pulling in his face for a soft kiss. 

No answer ever came from Jared. However, on the third peck, Jared began puckering his lips against Jensen’s in an attempt to copy the older man kissing him in the dark of night. Jensen relished the feeling, marveled at the sensation of Jared’s lips as they mimicked his own. 

“Pretty boy,” Jensen praised between kisses. 

“Gorgeous,” Jensen declared before a theft of daisy-fresh kisses. 

“Jared,” Jensen moaned in the middle of Jared’s first french-kiss. 

The boy was smart. A fast learner, if his kissing was anything to go by. That beautifully young mouth was already kissing Jensen better than any of his previous lovers ever had or ever could. And delirious Jensen, tired from a day filled with drug-coma sleep, promised to swear his life by the child. This was the kind of kiss that made men want to kill themselves out of loyal devotion. 

“One more, kiddo,” Jensen begged millimeters away from Jared’s huffing and puffing mouth. 

“Am I doing it right?” Jared asked, eyes droopy and a mouth that was on the verge of being kiss-swollen. 

Jensen’s heart ached and ached, “Never want to kiss anybody ever again except you.”

Jared perked up at this. His posture straightened in Jensen’s lap. His hands mirrored what Jensen had done earlier to him. With soft caresses, Jared placed his hands on Jensen’s face. His sticky fingers, still cold from his milkshake, explored Jensen’s face. It reminded Jensen of a blind person who touched somebody’s face in order to get a feel of what they might look like. 

Jensen’s heart wept, but it also beat nervously. If Jared touched him enough, explored him enough, would he be able to see his dirty intentions? His growing obsession with the jailbait boy was something that Jensen wanted to keep to himself. 

Docile fingers traced roads over Jensen’s face as if his features were a map. A whole new landscape of mountains and crevices formed as Jensen showed off a smile for Jared. The feel of Jensen’s cheeks smiling underneath his palms made Jared giggle. 

“Do you love me, Jared?” 

The giggles silenced. Jensen did too, waiting for a reply. In the back of his heart and any unscathed brain matter he happened to have left, he knew the answer that would come out of the child’s mouth would shatter his heart irrevocably. He wanted to know, though. Wanted to know absolutely everything about the child and what he was thinking. What he was feeling. 

“I care about you a lot, Mister Jensen,” the child ended up saying. 

It wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough for a greedy man like Jensen. 

But Jensen graciously accepted it, brought Jared’s palms towards his face before pressing gentle kisses onto both of the small hands. He placed Jared’s hands back on his freckled cheeks and smiled his best smile. For Jared. Everything he did nowadays was for Jared. 

_____________

Throughout the night, Jensen slept peacefully. A small boy shape rested on top of him, and no blankets were used for the duration of sleep unconsciousness. Jensen wanted to keep his warmth pure. Pure Jared warmth, only. The blankets were dropped on the ground, and his arms tightened around underage warmth. 

Right before deep sleep, Jensen swore his and Jared’s heartbeats drummed in sync. 

___________

“ _You are the sunlight in my growing_ ,” Jensen sings in a hushed voice. 

He aimed his lip-synced Led Zeppelin lyrics across the table at Jared, who was too busy pouring himself a glass of orange juice, which Jensen had bought last week specifically for the child, to notice. 

When Jared finished pouring his juice and taking a sip of it, his eyes shot toward the radio that hummed noisily as it played the CD. Jensen watched the boy stare at the dusty contraption. 

“This song is nice.” 

Jensen perched his elbows on the table and rested his head on top of his palms. He leaned in towards Jared and smiled. 

“Led Zeppelin. You ever heard of ‘em?” 

Jared shook his head no, his bead-head worsening as his head shook left to right. Jensen smirked at the boy in front of him. Extending an arm out, Jensen tried his best to tame the wild locks back into place. The end product wasn’t the best, but Jared smiled thankfully up at Jensen, and that smile had the power to make the ugliest human being beautiful. 

“I ought to teach you a little about rock ‘n roll, then, huh?”

Jared took a bite of his cereal before looking at Jensen, “No. My teacher said rock is for bad kids. Makes them grow up into bad people.” 

With a scoff and an eye-roll, Jensen shook his head, “There’s nothing wrong with music, Jay. It’s art. Don’t let those brainless nuns keep you from the things you like, okay?” 

Jared stared down at his bowl of cereal for a few seconds before he stood from his chair. At first, Jensen was frightened he’d upset the child by insulting his teachers. His brain was already beginning to go into panic mode, trying to find ways to be forgiven... again. His tongue was ready with amends, but none of them were needed in the end. 

Astonished, Jensen watched as Jared walked over to the kitchen counter and stood on his tiptoes, his small frame slightly bent over the counter. His fingers reached out for the radio, and in the end, Jared did nothing but add more volume to the radio. 

Soon, the room was filled with Robert Plant’s soft voice and the sweet instrumentals of the 70’s. Jared, still foreign to the lyrics of the song, simply hummed along to the tune. 

Jensen held his breath in Jared’s wake. He’d brought in a child to dirty him up, and in return, his lonesome heart had found a soulmate. A lover he’d die for. For the first time in his life, Jensen found something he never wanted to ruin. 

“ _But I know that I love you so_ ,” Plant’s voice droned on.

Jensen cursed the man for being indisputably correct. 

___________

Two brunettes wave him goodbye as he backs out of the small driveway after dropping Jared off around noon. 

One of them is a bombshell in a pretty dress and elegant looking makeup. The kind of women men fell to their knees for. The other is a child with untamed hair and undone shoelaces. 

Jensen swoons over the smallest Padalecki. 

____________

The upcoming heat of summer was sweltering. Jensen took off his shirt in his apartment and laid on his couch. His bed had been forgotten for days after Jared last visited. His couch still smelled like little Jay. Jensen had finally found something that put him to sleep better than the way his mama used to when he was a child. 

Jared-daydreams were forgotten when his phone buzzed. Jensen looked at it, puzzled. He’d thought he’d already used up all of his monthly services on the thing. On the fourth buzz, Jensen finally decides to answer. 

“‘Ello?”

“Ackles?” 

The voice was low and unfamiliar. It immediately put Jensen on edge. 

“Who is this?” Jensen asked, bewildered. 

“That doesn’t matter. You wouldn’t know me, anyway. I work for the person you bought pills from behind the mall a few weekends ago. We’re ready to cash in that favor you promised in return for them.” 

Jensen’s mind tried to remember. He couldn't recall being in an alley behind the mall in the past month. In the end, no appropriate memories came up. His last memories were all Jared-related. 

“Hey, man, I have no idea who-” Jensen tried explaining. 

“Listen,” the other line hissed, “You’re getting paid for this. Just hurry the hell up and meet us behind the alley closest to the back exit of the mall, got it? We got a guy patrolling your street who’ll fuck you up if you don’t get out of the house in ten.” 

“Wha-” Jensen panicked, but the line was cut off before he could ask anything else. 

He peeked out his living room window as discreetly as possible. A white Rolls Royce was parked right outside his building. The pristine car wasn’t the kind of car that would ever just coincidentally drive past Jensen’s neighborhood. With sudden dread, Jensen realized the stranger on the phone wasn’t kidding. 

Jensen looked down at himself. He was wearing a hoodie and jeans with a strange stain on them. His under eyes were red from lack of sleep, and his hair was tousled. He looked unkempt, but his adrenaline was pumping furiously. Without thinking, he grabbed for his car keys and bolted out towards his car. 

The rumble of his old car started and didn’t quiet down. Jensen tried to focus on the noise of his car’s old engine rather than the image in his rearview mirror of a car that followed closely behind him. 

____________

Backstreet alleys were Jensen’s thing. It was where he picked up his drugs in secrecy, where as a teenager he used to hang out with his joint-happy friends and graffiti the red brick walls, and recently, it had been where he found Jared. The only good things in his life had come from shady alleyways. 

Alleyways were familiar. He was more acquainted with them than he ever had been with his own home. Yet, as he stood there smelling horrendous and his mouth tasting sour due to not having gotten the chance to brush his teeth, he was absolutely frightened. 

The two men that had begun to walk towards him after the coast has been cleared didn’t help calm his nerves whatsoever. One of them was visibly a few inches taller than him, and that was not something Jensen came across easily. Though he’d been getting more and more slender due to his drug diet, his height still typically towered most. 

Besides the tall, lion mane haired man, there stood another equally intimidating man. Unlike the long-haired man, the man had blond hair and stood formally in a suit. His whole image juxtaposed the dirty alleyway, and that, to Jensen, made everything all the more terrifying. 

“Ackles, is it?” the blonde man asked when he stood close enough. 

His voice was unsettlingly unfamiliar. 

Jensen nodded in confirmation, “Uh- Yeah. Ackles, Jensen. That’s me.” 

The brunet man chortled out a laugh, “We’re not actually going to hurt you, you know? Well... we would have if you hadn’t come out to meet us.” 

His voice was definitely familiar. Jensen concluded that he was the man who had threatened him over the phone earlier. 

“You shoulda seen him, Chad! He ran so fast out of his apartment he almost fell,” the brunet said to his blond friend. 

The man, Chad, laughed with his companion. Jensen stood there, feeling humiliated and confused out of his mind. 

“Listen, I really don’t remember buying anything from you guys-” 

“Course you don’t,” Chad grinned, “Jason and I here work for JD, but we don’t actually deliver his drugs. That’s for the lower class scum,” he paused, “No offense.” 

“No offense?” Jensen asked, to which Jason sighed out of annoyance. 

“We get people like you to sell drugs. The worst of the batch. It’s easier to employ the people without families or any strong ties. You got a little lady or kid?” Jason looked expectantly at Jensen as he waited for an answer. 

“I... he’s not related but there’s a boy-” 

Chad puts up a hand to indicate he was not interested, “We don’t care. If you’re not related it’ll be easier to fake your death.” 

Like twin Cheshire cats, Jason and Chad grinned in unison. They’re depraved people of the drug industry, Jensen knew that much. He’d come across some unsavory people in his days of drug abuse. He’d even been beaten up here and there for not having proper amounts of money to pay for his drugs, but he’d never come across any of the rich drug lords. 

These guys looked like the kind who smuggled drugs overseas. 

The costly car and the way Jason’s tattooed hands were heavily bruised and adorned with dry blood, and the expensive accessories Chad wore were all indications that they were the real deal. They were the kind of people parents warned their kids about. The kind of people who were knee deep in the quicksands of the underground drug business. Jensen looked at them with a morbid fascination and fear. 

“Don’t look so scared, freckles. As long as you don’t fuck up your job you’ll be fine. If not, you’ll meet JD,” Jason explained, all grin and jokes put aside. 

Jensen knew there was no way out of this without a near-death beating. He was in no condition to fight, especially not against two men who probably had a whole army to back them up. A glob of spit trailed down his sandpaper throat at a snail’s pace. 

“How much will I be paid?” 

Jason grinned and whistled, “I like the sudden confidence, man.” 

Chad laughed loudly, the sound echoing off the alley walls. 

“If you don’t fuck anything up, we’ll pay you thirty grand.” 

Jensen’s legs wobbled and his brain needed a minute to fully come to terms with the amount of money he’d just been offered. Once he had, his mouth hung open out of shock. 

Chad looked at him out of amusement, “Guess the deals on, then? We have the drugs in our car. Sell them all by the end of the month and no blood will be spilled.” 

Jason looked at Jensen before he walked back towards his car and said;

“Ackles? Close your mouth. Nobody likes an open-mouthed-whore in a backstreet alley.”

With pink cheeks, Jensen snapped his jaw shut and followed both men closely. 

____________

By the end of the day, Jensen felt like a whole new person. Unfortunately, his new being was filled with twice as much anxiety as his previous self. And he had acquired a new possession in his home. 

A silver suitcase stood out in the center of his bedroom. Jensen stared at it from a distance. It looked like it could have a bomb inside of it. It looked fictional, almost, like the kind of suitcases seen in spy films that needed to be diffused in a minute's time. 

With quick strides, Jensen closed the distance between the suitcase and himself. Though his fingers trembled, he’s able to quickly open the suitcase after putting in the lock combination he’d repeated in his head ever since Chad had told him the four-digit combination. 

When the suitcase opened, there was a multitude of colors inside. A myriad of pills was stored inside. Some were in bottles with labeled fake prescriptions and the rest were simply in small plastic baggies. 

There was a note inside, which Jensen plucked out from underneath bags of cotton candy-colored narcotics. It was written on fancy paper, and the words were typed out in a fancy font. 

They were instructions, on how much money each of the pills cost and how much money Jensen should make at the end of the month. Jensen reread the instructions carefully. His hands gripped his own hair and pulled at it anxiously. 

After stashing the suitcase in his closet, Jensen scratched at the crook of his arm. It was his body’s way of telling him he was in desperate need of a hit. For the first time since Jared had come to visit, Jensen pulled out his syringe. 

That night, Jensen slept in his bed without the smell of Jared lingering around him. 


	6. "and in a way, it was the truth"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genevieve, drug deals, college parties, and piggyback rides.

The following Sunday morning had started off rocky. Not the best, at all. 

 

Jensen had lifted his head up from slumber only to find he’d fallen asleep on the kitchen table searching up people who’d be interested in buying his drugs. The worst-of-the-batch drugs, as Chad and Jason had so smugly put it. 

 

His kitchen table was typically a mess- except for when Jared came to visit, of course. But today it was awful. Worse than usual. Headache-inducing, that’s what it was. 

 

The tabletop was covered completely by pieces of paper that he’d plucked out from the dirtiest corners and crevices of his home. All of the scribble ruined papers were filled with contact information of all the drug dealers he’d come across in his life. 

 

He had gathered up the few numbers he’d written down that had actually rung a bell for him, which wasn’t many. The only contact he’d remembered from the top of his head was a rich college girl he’d met months back. She was the kind of girl who knew her mommy and daddy’s credit card numbers by heart. Jensen wouldn’t have been surprised if somebody told him she had their credit card numbers tattooed over her heart. 

 

She was a brat, to say the least. Sugar rot spoiled. But Jensen knew business was business, and beggars weren’t choosers. 

 

Therefore, Genevieve Cortese was the first client Jensen dialed. 

 

~

 

“And these things are strong?” Genevieve asked, and even through the phone, Jensen could hear her chewing on a piece of gum obnoxiously. 

 

“Strongest I’ve had in a while,” Jensen lied, “Got a whole batch of them if you got any friends that need anything.” 

 

“Mind coming by my college today? It’s my last day on campus before I have to go on vacation with my family,” She sighed as if going on vacation were the worst thing that could ever possibly happen to a girl. 

 

Jensen rolled his eyes. He was thankful she couldn’t see him through the other line. 

 

“Sure thing, sugar. What time you free?” 

 

~

 

Jensen grabbed the silver lined suitcase sitting in the middle of his room carefully. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so careful with anything that wasn’t twelve years old and precious. 

 

The suitcase in his hand was filled with several substances. 

 

There was blow, strange colored pills, and several liquids that came with their own syringes. Jensen ached to try at least one of them. He felt like he was a child who had been given a store worth of candy but he couldn’t actually consume any of the treats. It was driving him insane. 

 

He had to sell them. He couldn’t stand another day just staring at the drugs and salivating like a cartoon wolf after seeing a piece of meat. Plus, he’d probably get beaten to a pulp by some psychopath mob boss if he failed to sell the drugs. 

 

With a sigh, Jensen stood up from his kitchen table and began his work. Jensen had found the directions to the college Gen attended fairly easily. After dressing himself up in a nice dress shirt and a clean pair of pants, Jensen slicked back his hair and prepared to sell some narcotics to college students in a few hours time. 

 

The suitcase remained tucked under his armpit carefully. Right as Jensen went for the door, his phone rang again. 

 

~

 

“What is it now Gen?” Jensen asked, agitated. 

 

He had given the girl enough directions as to where to meet up with him. Could she have really been so dense as to have already forgotten it all? 

 

“Uh, no...I'm not _Gen_ ,” the voice on the other end of the phone startled Jensen because it very much did not belong to Genevieve. 

 

“Oh, crap! Crap!” Jensen panicked as he nearly toppled over trying to keep the suitcase in his arms rather than on the ground. 

 

When he’d finally regained his composure, he’d realized he had just yelled in the ear of Jared’s Aunt. 

 

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry, ma’am, I’m just-” 

 

“A little busy?” the woman let out an airy light chuckle. 

 

Jensen huffed out a laugh too, “Yeah. Just a little.”

 

An awkward silence fell between the two. Jensen fidgeted uncomfortably as scratchy static buzzed in his ear. He let out a huff before clearing the quiet. 

 

“Did you need anything? How is Jared?” Jensen asked, doing his best to not sound like a man who wasn’t infatuated with the woman’s nephew.

 

“Oh, Jared is being... Jared,” Jensen licked his lips at the sound of that, “We just got out of Sunday mass. We were about to head out and go to brunch with a few of my friends, but Jared isn't feeling up to it...” 

 

If Jensen were a dog his tail would have started wagging with delight. 

 

“You want me to pick him up? I’m sure I could handle him for the day,” Jensen assured the woman. 

 

“Well, it seemed as if you were busy. I can call his babysitter-” 

 

“No, no! I’m not busy at all. Just doing some cleaning. Think Jared would want to come help?” 

 

“I’m sure he’d love to,” Auntie Padalecki chirped. 

 

~

 

Jared settled into the passenger seat as comfortably as he could. His back ached from sitting in wooden church pews all morning. He knew he couldn’t make it through a brunch filled with church talk and the smell of old women’s perfume doing nothing to mitigate his headache.

 

He’d been so exited when his auntie let him spend the day with Jensen. It felt like he hadn’t seen him in forever. 

 

He’d missed him. His lips had begun to feel strange. Weak without Jensen putting any pressure on his mouth. 

 

The look on Jensen’s face when he pulled into the parking lot of the church, Jared could tell he’d been missed too. 

 

Waving a final goodbye at his aunt, Jensen and Jared happily pulled out of the parking lot and out into town. 

 

“How’ve you been, doll?” Jensen asked, his hand turning down the car radio so he’d be able to hear Jared’s reply. 

 

Jared stared at Jensen quietly for a second. Jensen always had a nickname ready for him. Jared didn’t have a personal preference at all. But he did know that the names had begun to make his tummy flutter. 

 

He placed a hand to stop his stomach and decided to ignore it. 

 

“Bored,” Jared replied, “What have you been up to, Jen?” 

 

Jensen smiled at the road in front of him, “Not much, actually...” 

 

Jared frowned. He’d always looked at Jensen as a strange person, but an amazing strange person. He was kind and humble and he took great care of him whenever he was allowed over at his apartment. He was the kind of person people wrote storybooks about, in Jared’s opinion. Jared didn’t believe for one second that Jensen hadn’t been up to “not much”. 

 

“So you don’t have plans for today?” Jared probed on. 

 

Jensen glanced at him for a second before looking back at the road, “Wipe that pout off your face, Jay. I actually do have plans for today. I’m going to a college party.” 

 

Jared nearly bounced out of his seat, “A college part?! That’s so cool!” 

 

Jensen scoffed, “I’m meeting up an old friend there. It’s not all that great.” 

 

Trying to impress Jensen, Jared settled down in his seat and tried to be more mature about the situation. But as he settled down, Jared’s curiosity piqued. 

 

“Wait, you go to college?” 

 

Jensen shook his head, fingers drumming at the steering wheel to the nearly inaudible hum of whatever song was playing on the radio. 

 

“Nope,” he answered, loudly popping his ‘p’, “I just know a few people there. I sell them things when I’m in need of money.”

 

Jared pondered what he’d just been told.

 

“What do you sell them?” 

 

Jensen’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. He composed himself rather quickly, though. The frigidness in his shoulders melted and he was quick to flash Jared a smile. 

 

“Aren’t you just full of questions today,” he teased, “Listen, let's go out to eat and then we can talk all about college and money and what you learned in Sunday mass, okay?” 

 

Jared nodded in agreement quickly, hoping putting some food in his belly would drive away his case of butterflies. 

 

~

 

Jensen pays the cashier at the local burger joint. He hands over a green pile of loose dollar bills anxiously. He’s still got some money stored away, but he can’t be sure of when he’ll run out. It doesn’t matter for now though. All Jensen cares about is feeding Jared. 

 

They sit waiting for their order, Jared already having slurped half of his cola down. The cashier with black curly locks and a face made for a cherub had given Jared a free drink on the house.

 

"So adorable," the woman cooed at Jared. 

 

She then looked up at Jensen, "Is he yours?" 

 

It had taken Jensen a while to understand what she was referring to. When he’d finally realized the woman was asking him if Jared was his son, something had struck inside of Jensen. A match was lit inside of him. His cock swelled against his zipper slightly.

 

Draping a heavy arm around Jared’s shoulders, Jensen smiled and nodded. 

 

“Yeah. He’s mine.” 

 

And in a way, it was the truth. 

 

~

 

The rest of the day had been lazy. Nothing worth noting. Definitely not something worth writing a book over.

 

But Jensen’s full heart told him otherwise. 

 

He’d spent the afternoon showing Jared his favorite films- the ones that didn’t include gore or seizure-inducing jump scares. He presumed the kid had been through enough when it came to horror films. 

 

When the TV screen rolled the credits of the third movie they’d finished, Jensen decided that was enough of that. He got up from the couch where he’d been comfortably seated with Jared latched to his side. The two of them had developed a habit of sitting as close to one another as they could. Neither of them spoke about it out loud due to fear it would make things awkward. 

 

In the stuffy heat of his living room, Jensen felt his best. He felt drug high. Not the kind of high that resulted in headaches and getting his stomach pumped. No, the high he felt resulted in him wanting to keep Jared in his arms forever. 

 

He was learning to love another human being for the first time in maybe forever. 

 

Proper love. 

 

Jared stretched in his lap, catlike and pretty. He even yawned like a feline. Jensen stared and ached before allowing his hand to rest atop Jared’s stomach where he could feel the warmth of his skin radiating though his shirt. 

 

The boy flashed Jensen a smile, teeth glinting due to his metal retainer. 

 

In his arms, Jared was a proper child. 

 

~

 

When the sky began to turn drowsy shades of pastel, Jensen grabbed his suitcase and his Jared. 

 

He was once again bombarded by questions from the small boy. Jensen ignored them all until he had settled the suitcase safely into the trunk of his car. He made sure nothing would spill and nothing would drop before settling into the driver’s seat. 

 

“We’re going to a college party, Jay,” Jensen finally told Jared. 

 

The excited and mystified look on Jared’s face warmed Jensen’s chest with happiness. For a second, he forgot he had a job to do. 

 

He drove off with his twelve-year-old love in a car with thousands of dollars worth of drugs inside of it. 

 

~

 

Genevieve’s eyes sparkled with recognition the moment she saw Jensen. Jensen gave her a tight smile before stepping towards her to give her a hug. 

 

She’d told him to park near an empty soccer field behind her school where none of the cameras would pick anything up.

 

Jensen obliged and parked in the empty parking lot where he waited with Jared for Genevieve to show up. 

 

She and a few other cars had pulled up after several minutes of patient waiting. All of the vehicles that pulled up were expensive cars that made Jensen feel even more insecure about his own car. 

 

“Who are these people?” Jared asked, sounding as intimidated as Jensen felt. 

 

“Just a few friends. Hey, how about you go out into the soccer field while I catch up with these guys, yeah?”

 

Jared seemed hesitant to even step out of the car, but in the end, he did. He did his best to avoid the stares of the college kids who looked at him curiously, wondering why the hell a child had been brought along to a drug deal. 

 

“Who’s the kid?” Genevieve asked after Jensen’s arm had dropped from her shoulder. 

 

“Uh, I’ve been taking care of him,” Jensen replied casually.

 

“He’s cute,” some guy said. 

 

Jensen tried to catch the face of who had said that, but he had been too busy staring at Jared off in the distance. The child had sat down in the field far out of hearing distance, which was good. His fingers were poking and prodding at the dirt below him and ripping out chunks of grass from the ground. 

 

“Thanks,” Jensen replied warily, a sudden possessiveness over the child washing over him briefly. 

 

“Alright, so drugs?” Genevieve asked, redirecting the topic of conversation to which everybody was truly interested. 

 

“Shit, yeah,” Jensen fumbled to get to the trunk of his car.

 

There were at least ten college students there, all of them staring at him like vultures. They were all much younger than Jensen, and it showed in the face. But they all seemed rather intimidating if Jensen did say so himself. 

 

All of them were dressed in clothing that could have paid Jensen’s rent for several months and then some. He’d be getting good money tonight, and that’s what mattered.

 

When the trunk of the car was held open, Jensen motioned for everybody to come over. The group of students walked towards him and watched as Jensen expertly opened up the suitcase before revealing the myriad of colored drugs. 

 

“Holy hell,” Genevieve mused, “There’s so many!” 

 

Jensen smiled at her and then at her friends proudly. He explained to them what each of the drugs did. He explained which ones were hallucinogens and which ones were stimulants and which ones were inhalants. 

 

He then stepped away slightly and let them chose their poison one by one, never once feeling guilty knowing the drugs could very well be fatal. 

 

The final person to step up to buy something from Jensen was about the same height as him. His hair was dark and his eyes were a smooth shade of brown that would have been comforting if Jensen hadn’t picked up such a bad vibe off of him. 

 

“Which of these is the strongest?” the man asked. 

 

Jensen lifted an eyebrow, wondering if the guy could handle what he was about to give him. He didn’t seem like a druggie at all. In fact, he looked like the kind of guy to get tipsy off of one cheap beer.

 

It wasn’t his business though, Jensen presumed. He was just here to get the money. So he pointed towards a small plastic bag filled with what looked like marijuana. Jensen had done his research on it though, and he’d found out it was much worse that just a few simple ounces of weed. 

 

“Comes from Africa, actually. It’s the really strong stuff. You sure you can afford it?” 

 

The guy snorted, “Can I afford it? I’ll buy it all off of you.” 

 

Jensen stuttered slightly before shutting his mouth. He didn’t want to say something stupid and ruin the deal. He exchanged good money for dangerous drugs that night. He had nearly sold most of his drugs that night, resulting in Jensen feeling good about himself. 

 

“Hey, man, thanks,” the dark-haired man patted Jensen on the shoulder, “You should come with us to the party.”

 

The man cast a look over his shoulder and watched Jared lazily graze his hand over grass patches. 

 

“Bring the cutie along, too,” he winked at Jensen as if he _knew_. 

 

For a second, Jensen feared he did. 

 

“Matt! Let’s go, dawg!” an African American teenager called out from the window of his car, eyes pinpointed on the raven-haired man speaking to Jensen. 

 

“Duty calls,” Matt grinned, “Seriously, though. You two should come along. There are tons of people willing to pay for some of the stuff you’re carrying.” 

 

Matt ran off before hopping into his friend’s passenger seat.

 

Jensen watched them speed away, torn between never wanting to let Jared come near the vicinity of Matt ever again and between the need to sell the drugs as soon as possible. 

 

In the end, Jensen walked toward the field as swiftly as his legs allowed him to before arriving he arrived at Jared's sitting place.

 

“Sorry for making you wait so long, sweetheart,” Jensen ruffled Jared’s hair, “You want to go party with me and some adults? I’ll even give you a piggyback ride back to the car if you want.” 

 

Jared giggled sweetly up at Jensen. If Jared had been frustrated with Jensen for leaving him alone in a field for so long, it didn’t show. The boy was all smiles and dimples now, and Jensen wouldn’t have it any other way. 

 

“Hop on!” Jensen crouched in front of Jared before he felt the boy’s weight on him as he jumped onto his back. 

 

“You have to promise to say with me at the party,” Jared spoke into Jensen’s ear gently and a teensy bit afraid. 

 

The warmth of his breath made Jensen’s spine tingle. He could only hope that Jared hadn’t felt the chills that ran down his body. 

 

Blissfully aware that he was holding onto Jared’s thighs and that Jared’s slender arms were wrapped around his neck, Jensen nodded. 

 

“There’s nobody I’d rather party with than you, Jay.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels like a filler chapter. Not very exciting. But I am glad to be writing this story again, so please let me know how I'm doing. Thank you to those who have left me kind messages about my writing and those who have waited for the next chapter so patiently. You mean very much to me.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me feedback in the comments, please!
> 
> My Tumblr is @pillowprincessjared <3


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